Posts Tagged ‘humor’

The Face Of The Earth

May 7, 2012

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No, I did not fall off of it.

Merely lending my aesthetics and focus to This Old House. Having a house in the Caribbean is a full time job. It’s an environment that never shuts off and caring for a house here is like having triplets that never  leave home.

By the time you make an improvement to one area, it’s adjacent component screams out ” I’m old and suffering too” !

I didn’t attempt this myself- honestly I’d rather move and dump everything than paint. Everything gets displaced and that requires considering whether you keep it, clean it, throw it out or give it away.

You can see why I wouldn’t attempt this myself:

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I’d be one of the Falling Wallendas

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Michelangelo and house painters deserve high praise and a life time subscription to chiropractic.

Worth it.

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These are the triplets I refer to:

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I know, they don’t look like that much trouble……

I did manage to paint a portrait of my son for his birthday. He is very kind and much handsomer than his Fallen Off The Face Of The Earth mother’s skill in portraiture would reveal:

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With thanks to Ted Davis and Emy Thomas who reminded me that they missed my blog. So did I.

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Legs

April 30, 2010

When seated, they become your lap. As is the case with these women. Taking in the throngs of people at Ag Fair last February and maybe sharing some thoughts about the changes they’ve seen over the years.

Aside from the one hand ( er, claw, ) in dead center, there was no erasing. You could C.S.I this canvas with a team of forensic experts and not find an erasure. Just that hand ( claw ). I didn’t intend for the sketch to : #1 come out so well, and #2 get this detailed. But it wouldn’t stop so neither did I. Getting to the painting phase next.

There are many, many legs here on St.Croix this week. We host the infamous Half Iron Man Triathlon which translates to this: A one and a half mile swim, jump on your bike and ride 50 miles part of which includes a 21 degree incline that goes on interminably, and then run a 13.1 miles. That hill is known as The Beast. I offer my CAR a sports drink when it takes me up that road.

Check out the survivors’ humorous description of this event- ( I suggest you sit down and pour a cold one  first ):

Unbelievably this event is up to 1,300 + entrants. It’s been unusually hot/humid and will make this course more horrific than it already is.

I’ll be folding my legs into lap formation, myself. Running my own game at the easel.

This guy never has to worry if he sprains an ankle during athletic endeavors.

With forgiveness, Pat , really I am so sorry you had to look at this and I know you’re asking yourself why would she even bother with her name and copyright as if someone would want to HAVE this thing!

Chili Peppers’ languid leg layover is one stretch away from careening him off the precipice of his perch. I couldn’t catch him and grab the camera. He remains to all of you, dignified. And aloft.

You Been Axin’ Where I’ve Been?

October 29, 2009

Not painting. That’s where. Here’s the winter line up so far: Major outside land overhaul, some with help, much of it by my own hand.

To the tune of ” Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend”

” A kiss on the cheek may be quite continental, But a pick ax is a girls best friend”.

driveway

Yup, pickin’ and axin’ for back trouble but the good things grow as fast as the unwanted ones so you have to work fast after the land is cleared. All 39 holes dug and filled. Quick before those relentless snake plants take over again. Here, they’re referred to as Mother in Law Tongues. ( that’s only if the son in law is a jerk ).

More beds defiled of unwanted invaders and enhanced with things I actually like looking at:

new bed

Done. Actually the bottle of Advil is empty.

Next on the lineup: Coordinating a considerable size art show as a fund raiser for a newly formed non profit organization called the Sunshine Foundation. They provide much needed low cost spay/neuter services for those families who otherwise could not afford it. Overpopulation and feral packs of animals are a blight here.

” Artists For Animals” is going to be held on December 5th in a beautiful gallery space here. We’ve received eager responses from 32 of the islands most sought after artists to show for a one night event.

Pulling this together has many of the same characteristics as herding cats and collecting spilled mercury from a broken thermometer ( yes, before digitals ). I’m putting three of my newest pieces in the show and luckily they’re already completed.

And then, and then, the arrival next week of FIVE, yes FIVE friends from NY and Boston who expect to sleep in beds devoid of spider webs, mold, unidentifiable rust spots, and wish also to eat, and even imbibe in some beverages generally associated with vacation.

I’m in uber-cleaning, shopping, vacuuming, laundry mode ( damn where’s that bottle of Advil and Advil PM?)

Three of the five are friends first but also fellow bloggers:

Judy of Lobos Rants, Carol of Carolking, and Mary of 2Frames per Second

Away went the paints, easel, dropcloths and the nasty detritus of an oil painters warren to allocate sleeping space on the Murphy Bed in my studio which will become a photographers’ dorm since both Mary and Elise are professional photographers.

Fearful that my painting hand would not only atrophy but strike at midnight for better care and, well, some kind of recognition from it’s owner, this same owner thought it a good idea to try something in watercolor. Much less to take out and put away.  I’ve been a long time fan of Peggi Kroll Roberts and the gorgeously simple way she sees shifts of color and values. I’ve had some of her postcards on my bulletin board for a few years and have been reading about her terrific workshops of late, taken by Faye Christian Phillips and Ed Terpening. Ed’s comes with a video demo by Peggi- very cool.

I’ve tried an imitation as I don’t know how better to flatter her and thank her for her great work. It’s not that I want to paint like her as much as I want to SEE like she does.

So Peggi, pardon the pedestrian-ness but here’s to you!

Peggi’s

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Not Peggi :

homagetopeggi

Well, excuse me, but I’m off to find little paper umbrellas for beverages  for friends who think they’re coming to the Tiki room or something……

I Asked Myself That Same Question!

December 17, 2008

What IS that?

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It wasn’t pulsating. That was reasurring. There was no eerie glow.  I had no idea. I’d never seen anything like this anywhere. And where WAS this you might wonder ?  It appeared overnight in one of my outdoor flowerpots.

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What IS this?

” Is this an egg “, I thought. What kind of animal produces an egg that does THAT ? Sort of builds itself a useless parachute and then puts holes in it. Didn’t make sense.

This induced nonsensical explanations in my head – Dr. Seuss was involved in crossbreeding a wiffle ball and a quail egg.

Another possibliity, not so benign -something already hatched out of that egg , will grow exponentially larger and by next week, we’ll be on the mothership,  abducted by the pod people.

The first call was to my friend Scott in Vieques, a writer and knower of all things horticultural, who knew what this was and gave me the Latin.

Clathraceae

They’re in the mushroom family. The fruiting body is the cage like formation which attracts flies to enter, feed and with their feet, spread the spores. Oh, goody. More of these.

The egg like structure has root formations from which this whole bizarre array of fungii originate. With names like ” Phallus ravenelii, Mutinus caninus, Phallus hadriani, how can you not go look at the link above!

Michael Kuo has great photos and writes well and knowledgeably.

They last a day and then they’re gone.

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That cold front that blasted New England worked its’ way down here. I only mention it ( see how squally, windy and overcast it was ?) because it coincided hilariously with our local, early morning weather channel.

It showed our local temperature in Christiansted this morning as -10. Minus ten. Clearly the proofreader was busy doing other things. It wasn’t THAT cold. Even though there’s snow on my blog. Happy Holidays.

Yes, there’s no painting to post. But industry lives, as does creativity. I’m taking a small detour to do another furniture piece for a fund raiser-the same cause I did  Chairman Meow for last year.

Downsizing

August 10, 2008

Finding the right home is getting more challenging every day.

Given the size her home should be, do you think the hermit crab looked at this, dejectedly but pragmatically and said, “hmmmm my Fannie, Mae fit into this if I give away a lot of the stuff I haven’t used in years and give up fries and bread with dinner?”

” Before the divorce, my house was the one on the left- now all I’ve got is this tiny studio and no damn privacy”!

These hermit crabs are fascinating to watch. Changing shells is a complex process- I’ve watched one take 45 minutes to pick one in the yard, eek it’s puny, undeveloped body out of it’s former protective covering, take another 45 minutes to use it’s antennae to scope out the insides of its’ perspective new home, and if it finds it unsatisfactory for whatever reason, take another 45 minutes to acclimate back to the previously discarded one.

They remind me of muscle bound guys in the gym- hugely developed upper bodies ( think monstrous biceps and lats ), and legs like chopsticks. Yeah, you know the guy- his name is probably Freddie Mac.

There’s Been a Mistake……

August 5, 2008

The perfect way to announce an uh-oh moment. And no pronoun usage to denote blame.

August 5, 1948

I didn’t make a mistake, HE didn’t make a mistake, THEY didn’t make a mistake, but somehow, a mistake has been made.

This handy phrase comes from Michele, friend for life and therapist fantastico. So no one made a mistake, and yet, this is the unavoidable reality of the birthday I was not so keen on having.

Until I encountered this shop window in NY last month and thought- ” who cares what number the age is, as long as the goddess of Props is working overtime for my amusement, that’s all that matters “. And wasn’t this the perfect prop?

Photo, of Miss 60 – thanks, Judy.

It’s an oddity, being the age that only your mother was. And now it’s you. Look at the disparity of company I’m in:

President George Bush is one of many baby boomers hitting the age of 60. Some other boomers turning 60 this year include Dolly Parton, Donald Trump, Diane Keaton, Suzanne Somers, Reggie Jackson, Cher and Jimmy Buffett.

What a contrast – Cher, Dolly, me and Dubya. Don’t you feel a sequel to Nine to Five in the cooker?

It happens- you pass a store window, look at your reflection and think- “Crap, I really DO need Botox!”

But the rest of me looks pretty good, right?

Wasn’t i just the wise cracking 7th grader, who, when asked in English class, ” Does anyone know who wrote A Farewell to Arms “?, there seemed only one correct answer to this budding artist?? ” Venus de Milo”, I said.

I didn’t get a note home for irascibility, just a partially stifled guffaw from Mr. Lichtenstein, the teacher. And an appreciation of art AND English.

A lesson early in life: humor is a passport.

Now it’s serious stuff, the daily concerns of metabolism, exercise, favorite jeans that feel, well, like there’s been a mistake…..

So AARP mail that would be fireplace fodder if I had one, who cares? I get discounts to movies, for groceries, art supplies, my gym and on occasion, still get a cheesy, smarmy, obviously pathetic comment from the guys in the car wash that want to know if I’m 35 cause ” You be lookin’ fine”.

No, silly boys, you’re way off.

I’m feeling so good now that it’s as though I’m….

Thirty five, are they nuts??*%)#

My gift to you is the very funny and short Birthday Video from Joe Cocker- yes, please sing along and don’t stop too soon- it gets better as it goes: